Homesick

I've been having one of those weeks when I just miss everyone at home so much, even my old job that I didn't always love so much. It's weird how these feelings sometimes hit you at the most unexpected times. Like when you're finally feeling settles and all of a sudden one conversation with someone makes you wish you could go back home in that instant. So I'm putting on a brave face and I keep going, no wallowing allowed! 

Distance

Today has just been one of those days when al my emotions get the better off me. 

To be completely honest I don't miss home so much. I miss my best friend, my brother, my other half. And feeling like I'm  being forgotten is just breaking me into a million pieces....

And so it starts

Dear reader this is my first blog post ever, please be kind, this is my story.

A year ago around this time I was in college having returned from a month long international internship. It was amazing and then 2 months later I had so many problems with administration that I could not deal with it anymore, after many discussions with the parentals it was decided I could quit college, as long as I would continue my studies. You must understand that this wasn't the first problem I had with this particular school. In July I bought a one way ticket to the Netherlands for March 1st 2015 with my awesome best friend. In the months leading up to the big date we found a house with my brother and we made all the arrangements. I decided on what I would like to major in (international business and languages). March 1st sneaked on up on us so quickly that I didn't even have time to panic! Endless hours were spent working to save up for the big move. And then on March 1st the big day, it was the most emotional day I have ever experienced saying good bye to friends and family was heart breaking. But my mind was made up, I was leaving for a better future. A week after moving my awesome best friend decided she didn't like it in the Netherlands, a week later she moved back home leaving me and my brother in a 3 room apartment. It broke me to have her leave like that, all our big dreams and plans disappeared and I’m here all alone. (My brother goes to school so he isn't home much) so my first month was a roller coaster ride with many ups and downs. And a week later my last pay cheque arrived and I panicked, I still hadn't found a job and I had just enough money to pay my rent and 2 weeks of groceries. I called home explained my panic and my wonderful mom offered her help. She sent me money for groceries and a little extra for anything else I might need. Today she again graciously sent me money for this months rent, I can not thank her enough. But as grateful as I am to her I would really like to get a job now, staying home is making stir crazy. I have always worked since I was 15 years old I have had a job and now all the independence I had is gone anything I want I ask myself a million times if I need it because I have no money of my own anymore and what I get from my mom must be used wisely. I've applied to over 15 different places and I’ve received about 3 responses none of them offering me a job but all saying that I have a great resume. As my adventure here continues I feel more alone and desperate then I ever have before, my support system is over 4000 miles away and the stability and independence I am used to is gone. 2 months after taking this big step I am not starting to question my decision; was this really the best choice?